By ALEXA MILAN
SANFORD — Jay Anderson plans to spend a relatively quiet Father’s Day at his tranquil Carbonton Road home, enjoying the company of his wife, Dawna, their son, Roman and their dog, Duchess. Anderson said he has always felt blessed to have a loving family, but this Father’s Day brings even more reason to be grateful for the bond they share.
It’s possible this Father’s Day could be the only one he spends with his unborn second child.
When Dawna Anderson was about 18 weeks into her pregnancy, she and Jay learned their baby had Trisomy 18, or Edwards syndrome. A condition caused by the presence of three copies of chromosome 18 in the baby’s cells instead of two copies, Trisomy 18 can lead to growth deficiencies, heart defects and other disorders of the internal organs.
Doctors told them the baby had about a 50 percent chance of surviving in the womb and a 50 percent chance of surviving outside of the womb for a short time. Babies with Trisomy 18 have roughly a 10 percent chance of surviving their first year of life, and a small percentage may live longer.
“There are multiple things wrong with the baby, from head to toe, from heart to brain,” Jay said. “But this baby is going to make it as far as it can go.”
Dawna is now 24 weeks along. Thanks to an unwavering sense of faith and love, Jay and Dawna are continuing to count their blessings this Father’s Day and refusing to lose hope.
“It’s opened my eyes to being a better father and a better husband,” Jay said. “I’m grateful for what we’ve been blessed with.”
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Jay, 47, and Dawna, 45, met in 1986 through mutual friends in Kansas City. Dawna had family in the area, and Jay had just moved there to work with the Kansas City Youth for Christ organization. Their friends played cupid, and they have now been married for 24 years.
“We kind of did things backwards,” Jay said. “We enjoyed travel and motorcycles.”
Jay and Dawna spent many years of their married life traveling the country by motorcycle with a group of friends, and they remained active in their church. Jay’s job as a recruiter for a government contractor took him and Dawna to North Carolina about nine years ago. Around that time, they decided they were ready to start a family.
They tried for about five years to conceive before giving birth to Roman, now 4. Jay said the doctors had concerns about his development, but when he was born, he was perfectly healthy and happy.
“His heart rate was getting low, but we were excited he came out a healthy, crying baby boy,” Jay said. “It was an amazing feeling that God gave us this life.”
Finally becoming a mother after wanting a child for so many years was an indescribable feeling, Dawna said.
“Just to be a mom and have an awesome responsibility of a baby, it’s mind-boggling,” Dawna said. “But you look forward to the journey.”
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The journey toward the birth of the couple’s second child has proved a more challenging experience, filled with a difficult diagnosis and growing uncertainty.
When the family went in for Dawna’s ultrasound at 18 weeks, the technician examined the baby for about an hour before asking if Roman could leave the room. That’s when the doctor gave them the news — the baby had Trisomy 18, and chances of survival were low.
“We just had the wind knocked out of us,” Dawna said. “We were not prepared. We learned a lot in an hour.”
A hole in the baby’s spinal cord was one of the most critical issues in a series of developmental defects. The brain had developed in an almond-like shape and was pushed to the back of the skull. The hands and legs were not moving normally. One of the ventricles in the baby’s heart was three-fourths of the size it should be, the other one-fourth of the standard size.
“As of our last check-up, the heart is now two chambers,” Dawna said. “Every time we go in, there are more and more changes that can be lethal to the baby, which can affect my health.”
Doctors told Jay and Dawna they had two options — to have an abortion, which is legal in North Carolina up to the 20th week of pregnancy, based on the health risks to the baby and to Dawna, or to carry the baby to term but prepare themselves for a miscarriage or the death of the child at birth.
Without hesitation, Jay and Dawna said they wanted to carry the baby to term.
“The option we took was life, to see it through,” Jay said. “We want to give this baby a chance.”
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Jay and Dawna said they were grateful to their doctors for their honesty and compassion, but it didn’t make the baby’s diagnosis any easier to deal with. The family approached the weeks ahead the only way they knew how — by turning to God.
“Just because we’re Christians doesn’t mean we don’t question, or ask, ‘Why us?’” Jay said. “But Jesus is everything to us. It’s impossible to explain the feelings of peace we have knowing God is in control.”
When friends and family asked how they could help, Jay and Dawna told them to laugh with them, cry with them and pray with them. Initially, the greatest challenge was telling Roman that his baby brother or sister wasn’t healthy.
Dawna said Roman can sense something is wrong, but doesn’t quite know how to communicate it. Roman and Duchess have stayed protectively close to Dawna as the weeks have progressed. Around he same time as the baby’s diagnosis, a change in Jay’s job allowed him to work from home, a blessing he said he doesn’t think is a coincidence.
Though she said it’s difficult emotionally, Dawna has taken the pregnancy one day at a time and tried to remain as healthy and rested as possible.
“It’s day by day, moment by moment,” Dawna said. “You just remind yourself that the ‘what ifs’ haven’t happened yet. Right now, everything is OK.”
Jay said he has been inspired by Dawna’s courage and faith, qualities that make him want to be a better husband and father. The experience has changed the family’s perspective on life, as things that once seemed important are placed on the back burner, and life’s hectic pace slows down enough for them to appreciate the time they have with each other.
Whatever happens, Jay said, the family takes comfort in knowing that God will be there to guide them through it.
“We don’t ever know what the future holds for us,” Jay said. “But we know one day, we’ll at least see this baby in Heaven.”
POEM
Dawna Anderson wrote the following poem to her husband, speaking through her unborn child:
Dear Daddy,
You may never hear my little voice, yet I hear yours. You may never feel me cuddle you, yet I feel your arms caress me. You may never feel my little kisses on your lips, yet I know you kiss me softly and tenderly. Thank you Daddy, for loving me as I am.
I will see you some day. You will hear my voice. I will be able to cuddle you and place my own little kisses on your lips. Thank you for not giving up on me when I needed you the most.
Happy Father’s Day, Daddy.
I love you,
Your “Little Bit”
